Elizabeth Zemo sat at a cluttered desk in her dimensionally-offset laboratory high in the Lair Mansion. Her fingers tapped the keyboard of a small laptop computer linked to an anonymous satellite.
“Your excellency, may I come in?” Silicone Sally stood in the doorway of the suite’s second bedroom.
“Why not? I’m almost finished here.”
Sally stepped lightly over to the desk and leaned over her employer’s shoulder, hoping to make out one of the encoded messages flashing across the screen.
“You know, Baroness,” Sally whined, “it’s the end of the year already.”
“That hadn’t escaped me, Sally.”
“I’ve done really good work for you. Not to mention being cheek to cheek with you the last six months.”
“And you’ve been very good about showering afterwards,” Elizabeth replied.
Sally extended her arms and wrapped them around the Baroness. “And I’ve been a really good – I mean bad – girl for you this year.”
“Mmmm.”
“And you’re not going to put coal in my stocking, are you?” Sally pleaded in a little girl’s voice.
The Baroness keyed in a few codes and shifted over to the left. “Don’t worry, Sally, you got a bonus. See?”
“$1,200,000? Great! Where’s the check?”
“Look at the screen, Sally. I sent it to your secret account at Bank Nefarious in the Caymans.”
“But I want it now!”
“Sally, we’re both dead – until I’m ready to bump off Sir Mumphrey and take over the world.”
“I’m tired of playing skinsuit for you. I want to party. I want Lance – and Raheem – and Giorgio – and --” The Flexible Felon unwrapped herself from Elizabeth and stood arms down and fingers wrapped into tight fists, preparing for a long pout.
“Just a little longer, Sally.”
“No! I’m not going off into outer space to get vaporized by the Parody Master while you take all the credit. I’m tired of hiding up in this creepy old lab with the vats of Adhesive X bubbling away and the noise from your great-uncle’s 20-year-old AI’s. And I want a real man, not those buzzing things. It’s been four months, Baroness, and I want out.”
“Well, if you don’t want the bonus . . .”
“F—k the bonus. I want out!”
The Baroness arose from her seat, holding what seemed to be a squirt gun in her right hand. “Your choice, Sally. Stick with me, get another performance bonus after we defeat the Parody Master, and become my right hand in ruling the world. Or, give up what you’ve got, see how you end up after I spray you with Zemo Acetobromo Liquefication Spray, and wait around for Baron Otto to have his way with you again.”
“Damn you! Fine, I’m in – for now.”
“Glad you saw it my way, Sally. Now give me five minutes to finish the Christmas bonuses for Franz and the rest of the staff, and we’ll go down to the Christmas Eve farewell party.”
Sally couldn’t resist taking one more look at the paperwork on the desk. “What’s that? You’re paying a bonus to ‘Samuel Ballard, Q.C.’?”
“Just a barrister in London. Unfortunately, his chambers can’t deal with wire transfers, let alone e-mail. “
“What’s that about?”
“Oh, I’m just doing some good works.”
“I’ll bet.”
“Now, let’s hurry up. There’s going to be a surprise guest, a girl named Samantha, and we have to be very nice to her.”
“How do you know that?”
“I just have a feeling that Lisa is going to be bringing her along.”
Playing the part of Baroness Elizabeth Zemo
J. Jonah Jerkson
Voice of the People
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